What does rest without guilt look like for you?
...on slowing down and taking breaks
I’ve never really understood the meaning or concept of rest, until now. As someone with a neurospicy brain that never really goes to sleep, at every point in time there are a million and one open tabs in my head. I need to always to be doing something, listening to something, because being still isn’t a thing I’m quite used too, it isn’t something that feels safe, yet—because who are we if we aren’t evolving?
It’s been fourteen days since I started the winter arc challenge and for the first seven or eight days, I was bursting with energy, bubbling with enthusiasm, and dedication. Waking at somewhat the same time daily, going straight into a brain dump, opening my laptop and taping away until I hit publish—plus a few other things that gave me a dopamine boost.
The last seven days, however, I noticed a slump, the sprint in my feet as I got out of bed each day started to decrease, along with my energy and dedication. And as usual, I held myself with judgement and criticism. The narratives that I never follow through, that I could never fully show up became louder…the familiar saying: here we go again, starting but never finishing.
You’d be surprised that even with the judgement and guilt, I still couldn’t get myself to hold on. Then I fell off, I stopped. All of it, the routine, for a few days.
Yesterday, I decided to journal about the last thirteen days, to deeply reflect before moving forward. Because even on the break, I was still very much clear and solid on the reason I was doing this in the first place; The need to create a new identity that I was undoubtedly and solidly proud of—my why.
Before anything else, I’d always suggest journaling; written or spoken, to make sense of emotions, to self soothe—you’d be surprised the wonders this simple activity holds. In the process of sorting through my thoughts and experiences in the last two weeks, trying to get clarity, to document what needed to stay or go and what I needed to add to my list of W’s— you need this list if like me, you tend to forget your achievements.
I asked ChatGPT to create journal prompts to help me reflect and it came through with the most intentional questions that I spent almost three hours working through, with breaks in-between of course.
It was one of those prompts that inspired today’s piece. It made me realise how clueless I was about rest as a concept and what I could do to change that moving forward.
ChatGPT segmented the prompts into: Mindset and emotions, Habits and actions, Body and energy, alignment and direction.
These are the prompts from body and energy:
How has my energy changed since starting?
Have I been sleeping well, moving my body, eating intentionally?
When during the day do I feel most alive or drained?
What does my body need more or less of right now?
How am I caring for myself when I feel low or unmoved?
So, a few days before my period, my energy started to dip, which was totally normal, its at this point that my body and mind starts to send cues to slow down, to relax, but as usual instead of listening, I went into judgment mode.
Working through these prompts made me realise that I haven’t ever really worked with my body cues. I always listen to men *eyes rolling* talk about no off days on pods about discipline and motivation, that I forget I’m just a girl, with a uterus —especially a uterus that acts like a hired assassin—making an attempt on my life every single month. The struggle.
Understanding this made me see rest differently, taught me that my body isn’t independent of this transformative journey, just like i’m building my minds awareness, the same is needed for my body.
In summary, I’ve decided to listen to my body cues from now on, because sometimes slowing down, taking a little break, isn’t a declaration of war between my mind and my body, its an opportunity to refresh, to breathe deeper, to unclench my fist, to be still, and that is something to be grateful for.
If this remotely resembles you then this is your sign to listen to your body more, to learn what rest without guilt looks like for you, to understand that you can’t work against your body, to understand that rest isn’t a sign of weakness or a loss of control.
You can slow down without criticising yourself because rest isn’t optional, it’s a non-negotiable and when it signals for you to come, I hope you go without a fight, I hope you surrender with gratitude.
Exploring the journal prompts I shared above is worth the shot. You know what? I highly recommend that you do. I’d love to know how it goes and also let me know what you think about today’s piece.
P.S: Ignore my typos, love ya.
Nkem.
I think for those of us who are overthinkers and love being productive at all times, it’s sometimes difficult to tell that there’s a fine line between “being lazy” and “needing rest”. The guilt it comes with, the mental battle of trying to reassure yourself that you’re not falling off the rails but merely taking a much needed rest/break just makes even the rest time feel like a slight form of torture. Rest is good for the brain, body and even for the soul…. Thank you for this amazing piece, I enjoyed reading it.